I have been re-reading one of my favourite books over the last couple of weeks, Craft for the Soul by Pip Lincoln. I turn to this book when I start to feel a bit overwhelmed or my peaky anxiety starts getting in the way of good times.
Some nights I read a couple of pages or a whole chapter. Another day I might revisit a recipe; on Monday I made a half batch of her very good pancakes as a bit of a treat for the girls. On a weekend afternoon I might turn to a section that I know will bolster my mood or perhaps calm my mind if it was getting a bit tied up in knots worrying about turtles eating balloons or something equally as concerning.
I was reading a section last night that you could paraphrase to say was discussing courage. That’s how I interpreted it. It talked about how we query our position and let self doubt get in the way of doing things we want to, e.g. am I smart enough, or experienced enough or cute enough to be doing the thing I want to do? In my case, I come up with all sorts of reasons (excuses!) to not write or share my writing. I’m notorious for posting and deleting.
I know I have walked away from some excellent opportunities or quit things in recent years because I doubt myself and I feel I have no right. No right to be on the internet or sharing my views. And sometimes I would just hate for someone to think I was being show-offy because I made a nice cake or delicious ragout or I capture the kids having a blissful seven minutes of non-conflict play. Because it is a highlight reel of course, but it comes from a place of good intent not show offy-ness. But what’s wrong with showing off anyway?
Case in point regarding self doubt, I am starting a 12 month role at work and it’s a promotion – pat on the back. But I’m currently in the throws of convincing myself that I shouldn’t do it. But I’m trying super hard and am leaning into the discomfort because I know that I’m the only person thinking the negative thinks. Back to my story…
I then thought about some of the blogs I adore. The stories, photos and recipes and how nice it will be for those people to have this journal of life in years to come. Plus how marvellous for their kids one day to have their parent’s words in one place. And one day to draw on those words and read them and hear their voice, maybe they’re overseas and it’s too challenging to work out if it’s a good time to call, but maybe they’re gone and you can’t hear their voice anymore. Either way, what a lovely thing for them to have.
And heavens knows despite my best intentions I have yet to write a letter to my girls on their birthdays each year which has always been the plan…
Further I love writing. It’s a salve for my soul and my mind. I love to tell a story and potentially delve into the realm of over sharing on occasion. But that’s ok.
So with all of this in mind, I have decided to kick off this writing caper again and start story telling. I’m not here to “create content”, I want to pull my thoughts and ideas into one place and hopefully that will grow into better writing and more ideas and just nice time all around.
I’m going to accompanying this online space with an IG account as well. Somewhere to chat and share photos, but I’ll have some boundaries. Boundaries that I’ve always freaked out about concerning the privacy of my kids and husband and has led me to unfollow and block accounts over the years because if I don’t really know who you are then are the images of the kids safe? If you’re keen to follow there then you will find me @sarah_gooley_blog
Have you done anxiety induced culls and unfollows only to fret and refollow and then feel so foolish forever?